Okay, so we just got done taking a bio test. It wasn't too bad, it's just something you get nervous about because it effects your grades for the next upcoming quarter. One of my big goals is to get straight a's. Doubt it'll happen, but i'm definitely going to try. So, anyway. My valencia hoodie came in on friday. It was a good highlight of my day because I had to walk home from the bus stop which takes forever to get to from my house. So, I had to walk home and I didn't get my hopes up about the hoodie. But, when I saw this envelope on the hutch when I got home I got so excited. Turns out it was my Deedop's medicine coming in from fed-ex - go figure. But, on the table there was a box. An official box. I spazzed out when I saw the "go merch" address. When my dad got home, he took me over to Ryan's. haha, we took a walk and he told me all about penn state and his old neighborhood and how everyone kindof changed. It was nice just spending time with him after a stressful week. Well, a few weeks concidering I haven't seen him in a while. But, it was nice. I kicked him  butt in pool, because he scratched on the 8 ball. Kicked his butt in life because he's a loser. And, kicked his and his family's butt in poker even though it was my first time playing ever. haha. his mom made us spaghetti, and brownies with ice cream. It just feels so good spending time with him and his family. Even though they have their little quirks, they feel like my second family. I love being around them.

I just feel bad because he never comes over my house. My house is too much of a mess anyway. But, we're going to the sixers game soon if he can go. It's a school night, so hopefully he can go. I wouldn't even care if he slept on my shoulder on the ride home. I just hope he can go.

finish later

1. That things wouldn't work out

2. That I'd never be happy again

3. That this year wouldn't be good

4. That I wouldn't do good in school this year

I don't know what it is, but this year is making me feel so much better about everything... I have an amazing boyfriend who I feel so lucky to have. I have great friends who brought me to where I am today. Why did I ever doubt everything so much? Why do I always worry?

I guess, what I'm trying to say is the feeling I have right now is incredible. Just, being surrounded by people with such positive outlooks on how life is going to turn out. I hope it turns out for me. I hope that I'll be truly happy too because that would  be an amazing way to live life. I've gotten hurt before, and it messed me up completely. I tried so hard to win the love of someone who never really loved me to begin with. And that person that I invented, completely took over the person that I was. I just wish that things were easier sometimes. That I would've learned that lesson long ago so I wasn't so afraid to live life, fall in love, and just be myself. It really isn't easy to move on from those things, but it's people like Ryan, my family, and my friends who got me to this point where I feel on top of the world. They make me wonder why I didn't believe more that these things were possible.

Me and Ryan have been going out for 6 whole months now, and I still can't believe it. It's amazing.I still have that butterfly feeling that I did in the beginning. It's weird how life works sometimes. How, one thing can completely bring you down so much to the point where you want to give up... but at the same time you know down in your heart that you should hang on for a little more. Just when i was about to give up on everything, Ryan stepped into my life and saved me from being unhappy, and hurt. Sometimes.. I feel like I can never thank him enough for all he does for me.

So, I'm not sure what this blog was about.. But, I guess it's just reflecting on how if one thing goes wrong in life, you shouldn't give up because maybe, just maybe there's something great around the corner. We should never give up on people, and most importantly, we should never give up on ourselves.